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| Tadanori Yokoo's "Luminous Path in the Darkness" |
Luminous Path in the Darkness is a godsend for the deep-fried hell I'm trying to claw my way out of. Maybe I'm just being the indecisive, undisciplined little shit that I know I can be when, despite my better judgment, I read Rowell's latest novel instead of buckling down to work. Sa susunod na linggo na ang pasukan pero hindi pa rin umuusad ang syllabus drafts (aside from minor, cosmetic revisions).
I'm paralyzed by terror. This job is flying in the face of all my insecurities. So that means this is a good thing, yes? I'm going to convince myself it is. I'm going to stare at this dragon and force it to blink, at the risk of turning into stone, myself.
I have several textbooks before me and I'm not sure how to wrestle the material into some concrete, discernible plans. I know I have to get started on two weeks' worth of instructional plans but I'm looking longingly at my pile of essays (metaphorically. most of them are browser tabs) thinking I want to split myself into five separate versions and assign one to every task. Sometimes the boulder crumbles easily. Other times, I am lying beneath it ready to stop breathing. This feels like the latter. But growing up means bullying myself into submission, past unproductive moods. Time to shake the monkey off my back. There are too many animal references in this post.
