What the Words Meant

Context: I returned a textbook I borrowed from my youngest cousin. She is 13 and a high school freshman. This is what happened.  

Bonus! Here we are two years ago, trying for a jump-shot. Dafuq was I doing:

Jon Misha (20, sibling), Dennis Ryan (17, cousin), Lles (21), Drex (12, cousin), and Ace Rose (11, cousin)

1. You volunteer stories the way I collect them. If you knew me at your age, we would not have gotten along.
2. I remember your mother when she was pregnant with your two older brothers. Does this surprise you?
3. I've been reading since before you were conceived. I didn't hear the first word you spoke but I've been waiting for you to talk to me (using complete sentences and, preferably, of your own volition, about a topic of your own choosing) since you were three. I remember that time I met you at the gate of my home and you were riding, couched in your mother's arms and you were so new, so terribly new, that you knew nothing of Christmas or family tradition or, even, who I was save for what you heard or listened to. You remain, still, so new and unfailingly surprising. You read library books! I now have no qualms spoiling you senseless with Fully Booked gift vouchers.
4. You said, Ate Ky (almost the same way my brother says it) hihiramin ko pa lang 'to sa library namin (referring to Antoine de Saint-Exupery's The Little Prince) nakaka-kalahati na 'ko. 
5. You said, Sabi ni Kuya Drex ayaw niyo raw siya mag-Ateneo. 
6. You said, Sa SCB (Student Coordinating Board) may meeting bawat Monday, after school. 
7. You said, Palagi na nila akong sinasabihang mag-doktor. 
8. I realize this is nothing but a tally of that hour-long conversation but what else do I have? I'm hesitant to write judgment-laden items or to account for/ inventory/ tally my own selfish expectations (what if you come upon this post??). 
9. You said, Dalawa. Si George at si Kiomi (I am not going to forget these two boys any time soon). 
10. You said, Kailangan ko maging role model kaya hindi muna ako papayag magka-siyota! 
11. You said (I shall have to paraphrase) Ryan locked the door behind him. The airconditioner hummed (were you listening by the closed door, hand cupped against wood, to hear better?). 
12. What category did you use to select the details and anecdotes you shared? In what way can I account for or alter or reinforce it? 
13. I still consider you the sister I never had, a tiny sibling (in contrast to my biological sibling, who either rejects or ignores my help/input). 
14. We are bookends, all the others are middle children. That was no coincidence. You are ambitious (unlike me), aggressive (unlike me), and already I can sense the shape of your self-esteem/self-perception. I am thrilled, awed, grateful.    
15. I realize I've been listing differences (in preference, style, opinion, delivery) and that, in meting out judgment, I've behaved in exactly the same way some of our older relatives have. I hope that I have not embarrassed you.

Bonus!  I insisted on this photograph because I felt my cousin needed to feel special specifically for occupying a niche within her own household as unica hija, the only girl. At this point, I think Ace was a little young for some female bonding but I felt obligated (in a good way) to make her feel--well--more at home, especially since her two (obnoxious!) brothers always get all the attention: 

Lles (21) & Ace (11)

I feel as though I should end this post either with a summary or with insight but I have neither. I only have this sinking feeling that I've accomplished none of the goals I set out to do (ie: to become a bigger part of my family's life, to accept that the heart that I have is incapable of nonchalance and ignorance).